a short story

Be honest with yourself, he thought - the feeling was undeniably an overwhelming a sense of relief. Why should it be denied anyway? A weight had without doubt been lifted and, though he was certainly in recent times used to being brave, now he felt fearless and life showed him new possibilities. This day's mark in the calendar had sapped all the days around it of their light until even those empty squares weeks before it were more like walls to be pushed through rather than free time. But now he was clear - no 'what-ifs?', the results were clear - and he was able to do what he wished he could, those things he really wanted to do and even those things he didn't but which suddenly became longed for when all he had was worry. He took a look in part of the mirrored covering on one side of the hospital lift. "I've still got time". A doctor clutching her lunch stepped in on the next floor before the ride continued down - just before she turned her back, he smiled at her. Share the joy a little. Why hadn't he become a doctor? Don't be silly, don't start that again... He took in a deep breath. Almost there. Soon be over. Soon that refreshing step out of here back into the real world, or maybe away from it. The time he had without doubt hoped and longed for. He exhaled slowly and deep. "Are you okay?" the doctor asked. "Fine, yes, thank you. Fine." he replied. Good. The results you have are good - why shouldn't he say that? He had decided they would be good beforehand anyway, whatever the outcome would be. Others are not as lucky, some are luckier. But it felt provocative to say 'that's all'. He bargained - just being thankful for what you have is enough. He still had time, which would seem a lot - a lifetime - to some, not a lot to others. Again he got that rush of being as free as anyone could feel. What would he do with all this time? What could he do? Before it was 'What I would do...' now he would... get on with it. He definitely would. What more could anyone do? What choice did he really have anyway? He felt thankful. He could, and would, carry on.